1 year on Hospice
Today marks one year on hospice
Beyond grateful for this past year. It meant more time together. More presence. More love. More memories. More tears, smiles, + laughs. More challenges + more beauty.
We are lucky. We are blessed to have had this time + I will forever be grateful.
Some things that have progressed are ||||||
His movement + physical ability. This time last year he was still able to walk on his own with his cane. Right now, he needs help to stand up. He can stand on his own + I help transition him in and out of the wheel chair. We are and have been using the wheel chair more often. I feel we have surrendered + learned to trust one another. This time last year we would go for drives but he would not want to get out of the car. Now, I am seeing that once he wakes up, he points to the door and wants to get outdoors. So thankful for nature as a healer + medicine for us.
He is eating much less. This is normal with the end of life process. He is not exerting much energy therefore is less hungry. Since his stroke + the accident he has lost much taste + smell. Eating is just not exciting for him anymore. The idea of food is exciting but the act of eating, not so much.
Because he is eating less there is weight loss. He is most likely intaking less than 1000 calories a day. I do notice some weight loss in his face and body. It isn’t too drastic, but noticeable.
Speech + communication has been a challenge. Right now his words of choice are I love you, yeah, no, and oh shit. I am aware that one day he most likely will lose all speech and so I am holding onto each I love you with as firm as a grasp as I can. He is also a bit more confused. I will talk to him + I can tell sometimes that he has no idea what I am saying so photos + pointing has been key to understanding each other.
From more loss of communication I have noticed a less of a want to text or reach out on his side. I still see smiles + enthusiasm when he gets a message or a text but if he doesn’t respond or react please don’t take it personally.
Since last year Brian has decided to get off his medication. This was huge in the moment. It was really hard for me to want to accept + surrender but honestly I feel he has been doing really fine off of it. He is happy + living life. Plant medicine will always be his number one choice of medicine so we are always so grateful for any donations.
Plans for the next year? Soak it in. Be present. Smile more. Hold on to each I love you. Tell him I love him everyday + that he is the love of my life. Continue to trust + soak in everything. Bathe in the moments, the good, the bad, the hard, the easy….. It is all a wave.
Hold onto your loved ones. Tell them you love them. Be open with them. Love one another.
