FMLA > Compassionate Care Leave
It is nearing the end of my 10th week on FMLA (Family Medical Leave Absence). I am not sure how to feel about it. It has been such a blessing to take this time off work. To feel able + capable to take this time off. It feels like it went by way too fast. Time is so unknown. Life is so strange.
I got approved for a 12 week FMLA unpaid leave from work. This is job protected. This leave ends August 6th. I have recently started the process to extend my leave and take an additional 12 week of Compassionate Care Leave from work. This is also unpaid and allows me the space to decided if I want to go back to work thereafter.
These past few weeks have given us so much presence. Its been absolutely magical. My favorite part of the day is waking up, grabbing a cup of coffee, going back into bed, seeing Brian snoozing next to me, and picking up my journal or reading. There is truly sweetness is not doing anything. This rest was needed. For him and I.
We try to get out everyday to earth and ground. Our time is dependent on Brian really. If he is up early we go out early. If he wants to sleep more we stay in. The river has been such a blessing to us. I dont think I could live anywhere not near water ever again. Beyond grateful for a car - back from the mechanic - to take us on our earthing adventures.
Seizures have been tame. Thank goodness.
We have moved to a minched + mushed diet. Brian is not chewing his food much anymore + mushed seems to help go down a bit better. Eating takes a bit more patience. He is still holding food in his mouth for extended amounts of time. I really need to sit + monitor his chewing + swallowing. There is the risk of the food or drink going down the wrong way… this could lead to infection. But, so far… its ok.
He is still having troubles holding himself up in bed. We have found a maternity pillow really helps hold him upright in bed.
I haven’t heard an I love you in a bit. Brian has been answering my questions less + less.
Someone asked me what I thought he thinks about when he looks at us or around… and Im not sure. I imagine he is really present, examining us, not really thinking about too much beside the now + the moment. I wish I could read his mind.
I do know that he knows what is going on. I hear, “do you think he is still with us?” and yes, totally. I know he understands. His mind is still there. His heart is still here. His body is still here. He knows what I am saying or asking,… but sometimes doesn’t respond. Thats ok.
Within these past few weeks I have found comfort in being alone. Just us. For so long I have waited to friends + family to come by. To share space. I have felt some disappoint, sadness, + resentment. But now… there has been a shift. We are all that we need. We got this. I got him. He’s got me. The kitty watches over both of us. The three of us. now. It’s ok…
….. With all that being said… With this extra 12 week off leave is needed. Brian needs 24 hour care + looking after. This leave will extend to 11/11/23….
11/11 ——— what a time for transition.
Thank you everything for all of your support. For seeing us. For witnessing us. From afar or close by. We feel your love. We are held + forever grateful.
XO.
