Past, present, + future identities
Time is unknown. Life is unknown.
To my future self, YOU ARE CAPABLE.
Lately I’ve been thinking of who I was before. Who I came to be. And whom possibly I will evolve + transition into.
Past Self || 20 years ago all I wanted to do was dance. I saved up, worked hard, left university, + moved to LA. That movement evolved into a yoga practice, a moving asana. The love of dance moved into a healing flow. The healing flow moved into the healing power of touch through massage therapy. I was the traveling massage therapist that worked in bougie Los Angels hotels + massaged celebrities. I burnt myself out + was blessed with an inflammattion hand injury. Los Angeles got expensive. I moved out of the city to wine country. I let a man take care of me. I went from being independent to dependent real fast. I lost my sense of self but gained a new inner journey to self. I started teaching yoga + art meditation. Then trough a few heart breaks of different relationships I lost my self of home, and went back home to heal.
Present Self || Back on the land where I grew up. I sold my massage table. To protect my health + my beloved I stopped teaching yoga publicly, pretty much. I transitioned to work 40 hours a week at home for an athletic clothing brand. I practice yoga in the home we created together. The moving asana has transitioned more into a restful + meditative practice. I read + crochet more. I am a full time caretaker to my handsome beloved. Everything has lead me here. I can see clearly from each point in my life, each lesson, each heartache, each moment has lead me right here. I am happy. I am loved. I am so honored to witness presence + vulnerability. I am blessed to feel fully loved + seen.
Future self || ……. I had a connection with a lovely woman whose mother recently passed. Her mother was her best friend. They said that when a death happens so close to the heart YOU change. They felt such deep sadness + grief. I felt so honored they were so open with me. In a different connection I spoke with another soul who said that something happens when a woman is widowed. There is a strength + a magic that is released. A power so great it can heal. I know that when my beloved leaves this world I will change. I will be different. I will evolve + transition into something magical. I know I will be IN the emotion, IN the pain, IN the moments. I honor this will be the hardest thing I will endure. Time is unknown. Life is unknown. However, I know that I am capable. To my future self, YOU ARE CAPABLE.
